DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited by a friend who works in our state’s governor’s office to attend a college football game in the university president’s box.
This is a nationally recognized university, but not an Ivy League school.
At the game, the president asked me what college I had attended, then gave me a condescending stare when I named the school (which I attended over 50 years ago). My alma mater is a state university, not unlike his institution, and it was all I could afford at the time.
He then proceeded to correct my grammar on something else I had said. It was an odd, technical correction, and I think my words reflected my regional dialect rather than any misuse of the English language. Still, it surprised me and felt very awkward.
I didn’t respond to his comments, but instead thanked him for allowing me to visit his box, and then walked away. I was embarrassed for the friend who had brought me, who kept apologizing to me.
Since this has never happened before, and I enjoy attending college football games whenever offered, I would like to know how Miss Manners would have handled this.
GENTLE READER: For what is the university recognized nationally? Tolerating a president with nothing better to do than embarrass a guest? Is that his technique for charming alumni and donors?
Miss Manners would have handled the situation exactly as you did. And probably advised her young relatives to apply elsewhere.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should pie a la mode be served on a plate with a fork, or in a bowl with a spoon?
I am always frustrated when I am served a dessert topped with a scoop of ice cream on a flat plate with a fork. The ice cream invariably melts and is impossible to eat, especially if the pie is warm!
When I suggest that it should be served in a bowl with a spoon, I am told that is not how pie should be served. What says Miss Manners?
GENTLE READER: That the fork and spoon are not like a couple who had a nasty divorce and are forcing their friends to choose between them. Rather, they are like a couple who should be invited together, unless there is an obvious reason to ask only one of them.
For people, such an occasion might be a ladies’ spa day, where the husband would not be invited. In the case of flatware, the analogous dish might be ice cream alone, where the fork would be superfluous. (Miss Manners will refrain from the case of ice cream forks, because she hasn’t seen a lot of them around lately.)
So both fork and spoon should be provided when the dessert has both gooey and dry elements. They may be used separately or together, with the fork in the left hand and the spoon in the right. You might want to eat the ice cream before it collapses, because you should, indeed, use a plate for pie — to avoid squishing it into a bowl.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
